They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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