I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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