About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
