If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
