i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
