The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
