plz talk dirty to me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
