Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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