My nipple is on Facebook.
look no pants
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
