But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
NoShamevember. You game?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
