I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
