I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
