I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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