Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
