I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
