oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
