he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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