You're completely useless in the revolution.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
