I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize