The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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