tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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