i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
