I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
