I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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