I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
