My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
