I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
