And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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