Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
