Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
being pregnant is like rehab
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
