you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
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Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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