We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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