she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
