Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
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Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
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Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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