Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
