Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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