Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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