I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.