I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well I just put wine in my tea
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?