They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?