dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
