It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
