Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
