i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
