so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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