I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
