I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
