Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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