nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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