u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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