he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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