bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
