Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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