STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
