this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
