we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
