Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think I died a long time ago.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
home. puking in laundry basket.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
