Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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