...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
