Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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