did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
