i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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